Picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something that was wearisome in three. -The Devil's Dictionary

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There is a new buzz word in Hollywood these days. It's called "reimagining". I suppose they feel it sounds more artistic than to call it what it is; a remake.

Hollywood's darlings are always looking for lingo that will confuse us into believing how creative they are. We are being told that the latest script to be reimagined is yet another version of "The Three Musketeers".

According to the internet, the first production of "The Three Musketeers" was made in 1933 starring John Wayne and Francis X. Bushman, Jr. (I thought it was earlier than that.) Since then the Dumas novel has been "reimagined" umpteen times with D'Artagnan's played by everyone from Gene Kelly to Don Ameche to Michael York. Now there's another one. Oh good.

It seems to me that the current generation of filmmakers are flummoxed in an attempt to find their own creative identities. Between recent year's remakes of The Beverly Hillbillies, The Flintstones and The Brady Bunch I'm afraid we are stuck in a sequel time warp that threatens to bring my platform shoes back into vogue. I think I still have some in the back of the closet.

I will take it as a sign that I've lived too long when the remake of Beverly Hills 90210 comes out starring The Olsen Twins, McCauley Culkin and Chris Rock.

In a flurry of reimagining genius, this one is called "The Musketeer". Catch the changeup on that title there? It's been cleverly wordsmithed to make us wonder where the other two musketeers have gone in the hopes we will plop down $11 or so for admission and a tankard of popcorn to find out. I suspect the missing musketeers are making cameos in the reimagining of "Planet of the Apes".

Of course, if these quantity scented changes in titles catch on we can probably look forward to others. If we have one musketeer now can we be many removes from "Four Easy Pieces", "Three Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" or "Two Days of the Condor"?

Truth be known the word "reimagining" simply means, "Folks...we got nothin' here so we'll dust off this old script, throw in some computer assisted special FX and pretend we've improved on the classics."

I wonder if I can get by with reimagining some of my columns? I could take some of the old ones, slide a few adjectives around, work in some new snide comments and re-publish them under a catchy new sub-head. Of couse if I do that I'm afraid the powers that be will reshoot a sequel to my paycheck by reimagining the decimal point a few places to the left.