A couple of weeks ago I got an E mail from a reader who said that he had occasionally noticed cars parked along the roadway with articles of clothing rolled up in the driver's side window and asked me if I knew what the purpose was for such sartorial, vehicular bunting.

I think he used different words though.

My buddy Kris and I had a conversation on that very topic a week or so before so I've decided to treat that that as an omen and address the issue here.

In the old days, as a reporter, I would have to go out and investigate this matter. I would probably have called the AAA and the Higway Patrol and the Boy Scouts and the Rosecrucians to see if I couldn't get three independent confirmations of my source data before reporting it as fact.

These days I get to make stuff up. It's why I enjoy writing a column so much more. In editorial circles that is referred to as speculation. I call it "easier" and find the reading public will trade three boring facts for one interesting fabrication anyway, so here goes.

I think there are some common sense deductions one can make about the intended message of the driver and its correlation to the article of clothing being displayed.

For example, one frontal lobe observation holds that it is reasonable to assume that a sock waving in the wind might suggest that the driver is barefoot but raises speculation on why he or she felt it necessary to warn passing traffic of their unshod predicament.

Of course, once you accept that line of reasoning some pretty unthinkable mental images are conjured up if certain unmentionables were on display. There are some people, the writer included, who ought not to be allowed to put the thought in anyone's head that they are driving without pants.

When a towel has been arrayed in the window it could be a sign that the driver is showering, or is in need of one, I suppose.

Perhaps there is an ageless cabal that decodes garmental runes?

Garmental?

Anyhow, I suppose a diaper could suggest some sort of toxic hazards to anyone approaching the vehicle or traveling in its tailrace. Burlap might suggest that potatoes are being consumed in mass quantities though why that would require its own jolly roger eludes me.

Sadly, I'm afraid the truth is far less interesting.

I think people whose cars break down feel compelled to let the authorities know they are having mechanical difficulties and roll something up in the window just to confirm that they will return to claim their dormant vehicle.

That is the sad, unimaginative truth.

Don't you think the lies are more interesting?

If you have some of your own explanations, please send them along? I'd like to see some examples of good ol' pure East Tennessee prevarication!